I’ve been feeling a bit strange today… I suppose it could be because of various things to do with the heart… I don’t mean the physical heart but the emotional one. 

I suppose you could say I’m at a bit of a crossroads…

The strange thing about being at the crossroads level for me is that I’m not entirely sure what my choices are, I just know something has to give…

Life can give you lemons and it is a choice sometimes whether to make lemonade or just manufacture the lemonade bottles…

I have a bottling plant but no lemons or lemonade… Do you know where I could get some please?

Its a strange feeling…taking on other people’s pain and suffering, putting yourself in other people’s shoes…it sometimes leaves me feeling helpless myself… lately there’s been a lot of that in other people’s lives that I know about… I guess thats partly the reason I’m feeling at odds with the world. Maybe I need to suffer…then again maybe I’m just feeling sorry for myself?

Maybe I need to control stuff and then maybe I don’t.

Maybe I need a friend… and then maybe I need a lover and then maybe I need neither?

I’m supposed to be going out this evening to some works do…its no big deal its just a few drinks and some food in the company of work colleagues, it should be nice… but inside I’m not feeling like the harlequin, not that I’m the life and soul of any party… but I’m feeling a little detached from everyone else… people with partners and happy smiling faces.

I do not want my mask to slip off…

I think I may choose to listen to my gut and stay at home this evening…

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