So I’m laying here on my bed unable to sleep. I really hate nights like this where my brain is unable to stop working. It doesn’t matter if I listen to random noise, some ambient sounds to bore myself into a state of sleep. Its just not working tonight.
I turn off the sounds from my headphones and for a second I think I’m able to relax and the silence should somehow wrap itself around me and pull me into its blissful embrace.
Instead of sleep my active mind conjures up images to the sounds I’ve just put to bed. Brass bells and shiny materials wink into and out of existence, and the more I try and stop thinking about them the more my subconscious brings them into the realm of my conscious.
Geometric shapes dance and spin and morph into other patterns in a colourful display of light just behind my eyelids. No matter what I do to will them away from existence they won’t stop forming in my vision.
I want to quieten down the mind, I lay here with my arms still at my sides like in a meditative state, but I just can’t relax. The mind is racing, it wants to move it wants to solve some sort of impossible puzzle.
I get up and start writing, perhaps if I write I might finally give the mind what it so desperately needs. Perhaps after it has time to do some task, to solve some sort of construction, some kind of edifice, perhaps then can it be calm enough to let me be, to give me some space so that I can have some sleep.
As it stands I don’t think I’ll be going into work today. Hah, the menial job that I enjoy so much, said with a bucketful of sarcasm. I don’t think three hours will be enough sleep to do a full day of grafting and my incentives to do the job in its entirety have become non incentives of late. I might reserve a little blog space for those little bitter berries at a later date.
For now I will comfort eat, drink coffee and try and sleep. I may not even phone in first thing, it depends if I’m awake…how rebellious am I.